I've had one too many cups of coffee for today. My brain is practically sagging all over the place.

-

What are words to you? They seem like martyrdom on strike, like riding a bicycle downwards a steep slope; It's crazy to even try. I swear, when I napped ubruptly, you would've struck me down with the deadliest lightning known to man, just because I was inadvertently dreaming about you and me doing.. things I forgot because I woke up with half of my face red and covered with something wet (which I assume is part cold sweat, and part saliva).

Parting lips, silently screaming,
Or whistling, I forget.
But all the same, I call out
That one familiar name.

It was the poem (hardly anything like a poem, but I was sitting down on the bench, under clear blue skies, and had a piece of charcoal at hand, which was for writing, I presumed) I was writing on invisible air. Gray smoke trailed where I moved my hands to write, and everytime I finished one line, whether I really meant to finish it or not, got blown away by some light breeze, as if preempting me to cease from continuing line with anymore gibberish. But I remember this: I wished that this would've been blown to your direction, even if slghtly aghast and distorted in form (better, I say, since part of me says I really don't want you knowing).

My dream ended there. I knew it was too abstract to mean anything. Then again, I'm writing about it, trying to be some sort of dreamcatcher or dream psychologist. It's just me driven by my obssession of you.

The other? Simple patchwork, not big enough to cover up the hole left by the sun.

Mood :: weird

.Fix me

My life that is. I mean, seriously. Not like, oh-I-need-attention-please crap, it's really CRAP, with capital C, R, A, and P.

I guess home was never really my home to begin with, and family.. well, they're non-existent, officially. Before, I really just couldn't care, but now, I might just see them as strangers, I would probably stick a knife through their heads if they even just dared to test my patience these days. I am serious about this, and I hope I get that message through them well. Just heed my warning, for chrissakes. I'm a bombshell of emotions just waiting to errupt. Talk about bottling up emotions for years, HA.

If I won't get things my way, so be it. Just don't dare to step in front of me, because I WILL RUN YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU. Seriously, I will.

This is the last straw, and I already have something behind my back that'll induce screams in your faces.

Mood :: mad, seriously derranged mad

1 fixed me

FIRST REAL BEST FRIEND:
Believe it or not, it's Rich. I was living a sad, emo and lonely life (and I planned on remaining like that for the rest of my school life), and then Rich started trashing my life away. That's why I loff him so much :D

FIRST SCHOOL :
Ateneo Gradeschool

FIRST CELL PHONE:
3210.. I think. It was a hand-me-down, for sure though )

FIRST FUNERAL:
None so far. Or at least, I couldn't remember the last one. :/

FIRST PET:
My imaginary dragon, Skye!

FIRST BIG TRIP:
Trip to US when I was..12 or 11 I think.

FIRST FIGHT:
I'm quite the passive and lonesome person, so, I don't fight people. That doesn't mean I love people either )

FIRST CELEBRITY CRUSH:
Pocahontas counts? No?

FIRST JOB:
Barista.

 ----

LAST PERSON YOU HUGGED:
Hawmy! ) Rich pushed me and I almost fell. I felt sorry for Hawmy, I think I hit his head hard )

LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
I don't recall :|

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED:
Kung Fu Panda.

LAST FOOD YOU ATE:
Some sort of fish and stri-fry vegetables. Blech

LAST ITEM BOUGHT:
Ice cream! <3

LAST SHIRT WORN:
The one I wore to school, yup, that :D

LAST THING YOU TOUCHED:
Keyboard. D:

LAST TIME YOU WERE EXCITED FOR SOMETHING:
When Hawmy handed me a cupcake earlier today NOMNOMNOM

LAST PERSON YOU SAW:
Rich. :|

LAST THING YOU DRANK:
Apple Juice.

LAST PERSON THAT BROKE YOUR HEART:
Erm, *cough*. I dunno, Rich, because he promised we'd go to Glorietta to backstab people, but we never did. Damned boy :|

LAST TIME YOU WERE REALLY HONESTLY HAPPY:
Hawmy gave me a cupcake, and Rich gave me the SO-I-HERD-YOU-LIEK-MUDKEEEPS keychain :D

Music :: ℃-ute よみうりランドイベント-ほめられ伸び子のテーマ曲
Show :: YouTube
Mood :: bored and sleepy

2 fixed me

I love the rain.

My vision's all foggy, but it isn't because I just woke up from a restless sleep; it's the little droplets that are raining down from the murky skies and shattering in to many liquid cystalline pieces as they hug the flooded road in front of our house. Thought it was quite a dark day for an early hour, it was enjoyable nonetheless. The summer I've been wanting to end since forever is now gone, and the rainy season has come to please my harbored desires for a more comfortable weather.

The raindrops rapped against the glass window, and I watched, 'till I lost my train of thought. It's feel the familiar, silent, giddy feeling that I've always foolishly smiled about at times, the one that scared off people because I subconsciously make a really off face, much like that of the joker on the deck of cards (I mean not to instill fear; it's some sort of a reflex, brought about by what I assume is endorphins). It's nothing like butterflies in my stomach (not that I've experienced anything of the kind), nor eating candies and caramel-covered apple sticks - for me, it's an absolutely different, unique, and personal feeling of  my own little heaven.

I don't know if I actually fall asleep during these times, or my mind really turns into mush that I don't even feel like noticing the whole other world that I'm stepping on. All I really want is to enjoy the moment, this rainy moment, letting it trickle down my face and tickle my ears, as if whispering something sweet and romantic.

But I am stuck inside, so, I guess it's okay for now, just to watch from afar.

Without you, the feelings of today are not more but the dead hull of the feelings of the past.

Mood :: Mm-hmm

6 fixed me

Diligence.. I lack diligence. Hmm, then again, I get a little bit more thready on my words this way, so, whatever.

-

On hawmy:

TOO MUCH RESEMBLANCE. People don't actually see it, only I do, since I'm the one who's supposed to have the traumatizing memory (or not). I guess it's really just me and my hormones raging and fighting some random internal urges to pounce. Thank God, you're one hell of a person who's willing to talk to me. It's not even just sharing rooms, it's just us - well, not, that's unhumanely conceited of me (what do people expect? :D) - but it's there. I love that I can be insane and crazy and stupid around you, despite me doing it because I have my own secret musings and desires and frustrations - ie. YOU FUCKING LOOK LIKE ----, IT MAKES ME GO HAYWIRE AND RUN AMOK. I'm a little bit closer now, despite the physicallity of it all. I'm a little happier (compared to my vampire-like state) everytime I hang around you. It's not that you get me, but you smile at me in a manner that I can never really get from the one I want to, and for that, you have my deepest thanks. Hawmy <3

-

On org:

TOO MUCH STRESS AND TOO MANY LOOPS ON ROLLERCOASTER RIDE. Maybe it's just me being entirely emotional and masochistic, but really, I go from up and about, to down like 6 feet under, then right on top of solid asphalt again. I guess since I'm a natural-born rough rider (what am I, a pair of jeans?), I guess it's 75% okay. 25% is not not okay, but it's just there, not with the okay part, being passive. Really, someone like me shoudln't've gone through the longer stretch. But no, it's my instinct to just go there, no matter how hard. Magis, MY ASS. I'm just being stupid.

-

On SBC:

TOO MUCH LOVE! Yay. I love friendship day the most. I really hope there's a lot more to come. Who ever thought SBC was quite the kinky bunch? SBC IS JUST <3.

-

On stalking:

TOO MUCH SKILL. I'm sorry for being so un-levelheaded and totally obnoxious, but I AM DAMN GOOD. Just that good. I'm seriously crapping my pants right now filtering through people's profiles. People, beware: I may not look like you think I am >

-

Overall, past few days were fun. My legs hurt like hell even if I move just even the tiniest bit of any possible directional angle. It's all good though

Music :: Buono! - Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Book :: people's profiles
Show :: YouTube
Mood :: good-natured

.Fix me